This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
