i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
