I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
