he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
