I wanna passion pit in your ass
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
