I look better un-naked...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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