We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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