i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
