You made me cry and you don't even care
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
