ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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