I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
