Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize