Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
