Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
