look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
