Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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