I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
