True but thats because hes a fetus.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
