your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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