I want to have your abortion
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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