is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
