We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
