I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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