his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My feet surprised me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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