she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
