I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
