i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
