Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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