i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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