I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
