we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
