if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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