Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
