I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
