I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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