I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
