If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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