Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
