I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
