I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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