I smell stomach acid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i drank out of a bidet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
