make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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