Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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