Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize