I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my being single is dangerous.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
