I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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