its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
