1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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