you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
