Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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