i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
