While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
