I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
