my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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