New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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