So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
