I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
