In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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