It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
