Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
