Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize